It's incredibly frustrating to feel shit but have the sense that somehow the right wording of that frustration could do something to solve it. Like somehow completely understanding and identifying a problem or having a witty way to describe it could fix it, despite knowing this not to be the case, even if I were ever actually satisfied with a description. The relentless need to put words to it and the irritation of not being able to do so well enough and the hollow feeling of dissatisfaction if I try. and and and