I need a new metaphysics, something to even out the quixotic ideals bouncing around in the more manic tidal stages. A confidence to ascribe it all to something and truly believe. Wouldn't that be nice. Belief as solid ground, intellectual assuredness. Piersigs motorbike or sailboat, Lila's quality. If only actual thought were as easy as its illusion in poeticism.

Iidx rips hard. The learning curve is more of a learning cliff-face, but the feeling of competence is really unlike any of the other rhythm games I've played. It feels like it spreads your focus out further, rather than demanding extreme focus on two, or four fingers, you need to interpret and execute with 7-8. Deeply deeply satisfying when you feel in the zone. Even the "gimmick" of scratching feels great a lot sooner than sound voltex's lazers ever have for me.

It's incredibly frustrating to feel shit but have the sense that somehow the right wording of that frustration could do something to solve it. Like somehow completely understanding and identifying a problem or having a witty way to describe it could fix it, despite knowing this not to be the case, even if I were ever actually satisfied with a description. The relentless need to put words to it and the irritation of not being able to do so well enough and the hollow feeling of dissatisfaction if I try. and and and

White Noise by Don DeLillo was excellent and should be read. It's the first book in a while I can say I really liked after finishing it, bar a few exceptions. I usually judge liking a book off of a nebulous feeling I get when reading or thinking about them. This is almost certainly due to not having the intelligence to reason out what I liked or didn't like about something most of the time (dodging critique that makes you feel even stupider is just a handy bonus!). The feeling of this book is great, I think there's a lot to get out of it. It's probably the thickest feeling of the books I've liked recently; you can get it off of any page, rather than needing to tap into it over a few chapters and a specific mood.

i think a good life goal is to save up enough to do nothing for a year with everyone i know somewhere i don't

Yeah I'm a wandering ascetic. I be wandering how to get my bread up.

Woke up on a dead spider today. I'm glad someone has a sense of humour.

Nothing like mashing home to make you feel marginally less than a complete piece of shit.

I am tired of eating food I don't want to have to do it anymore!

I want a day where it rains non stop and all I can do is lie in bed looking out the window.