Örs Egy Csoda

or, how to deal with the loss of your frontman by learning from your fellow bands.

When was you when chester die?

I remember exactly where I was when Chester Bennington passed away. It probably helps that I was on holiday. Specifically I was in a holiday home on the west side of Pompia, Crete. We were only staying there one night, as a stop on our way from the west to the east side of the island. I woke up in the morning, and I checked NOS news as I often do whilst still in bed. "Linkin Park singer Chester Bennington (41) has died". It felt a bit surreal to read. I went to the living room, where my mom was already preparing breakfast. She asked me if I had seen the news, I said yes. I immediately knew what she was talking about. I was not a diehard Linkin Park fan, but as a brooding teenager they're definitely a band I grew up with. A band which I valued. So I was still quite shocked. I don't remember if I cried, but I did listen to a lot of Linkin Park for the rest of that holiday. I probably shed a few tears.

Tributes for Chester poured in from across the world whilst the band remained quiet. I can't really imagine what it's like to lose one of your best friends to suicide. I know it gets in your head. You think about what you could've done, even though you tried your best. About a month after their frontman's passing, the remaining band members decided to hold a tribute concert for Chester. It would take place three months after his death, on 27 October 2017 at the Hollywood Bowl, and would be livestreamed for fans across the world to follow. It took place at an absolutely unholy time for viewers not in the US, but I set an alarm to tune in anyway, and I'm really glad I did. It was as fantastic show. A really emotional show, especially the opening section where Mike Shinoda sang a couple songs, including the live debut of Roads Untraveled, which felt very fitting for the occasion. "Weep not for roads untraveled", yet there was much weeping. They ended up performing 31 songs, almost all of which with guest musicians from bands they'd befriended across their career. A lot of massive artists turned up, from Blink-182 to System of a Down and Bring me the Horizon to ONE OK ROCK. I want to highlight two moments, remember these, they will be on the test later. The first is an instrumental performance of Numb, with the lights on stage all focused on a microphone with a wreath around it. It emphasised the loss of Chester, and was for me the heaviest hitting moment of the night. Unfortunately the official recording of the concert has been edited in post, which becomes obvious when you know one of the guitarists completely missed the second note of Numb. I actually really liked the missed note. It was proof that they were playing through grief. It added a touch of emotion. The second moment I want to point out is In The End performed with the crowd on vocals. They were asked to carry that one, and they did.

After the concert, Linkin Park split up. They all went to deal with their grief in their own way. In January, Mike Shinoda released the Post Traumatic EP, featuring three songs he wrote during the period soon after Chester's passing. I think Over Again describes everything best. It was written right before and after the tribute concert, and detail's Mike's uncertainty and dissociation. All three songs come with music videos where Mike holds the camera and you get to look into his nostrils for 3 minutes, which his management asked him to please stop doing after the third one. Along with the singles Mike announced Post Traumatic as a full album. To this day it remains the only album I have ever pre-ordered. It's a good album and takes a journey through grief, and by the final tracks he's actually doing quite a bit better. It's a very worthwhile experience if you want a look into how the loss of Chester impacted him and the band. But this is all just Mike, only Mike. There was no more Linkin Park.

Sziasztok kedves emberek (Hello dear people)

Sometime between the release of the EP in January and the announcement of the album in March, I check the Eurovision subreddit for the latest news, which is something I do often in the first 5 months of the year as a real eurovision nerd. And my eyes land on a post: "It's AWS with "Viszlát Nyár" for Hungary!". Cool, a new entry has been selected, and it's from Hungary, one of my favourite countries due to my connection with Budapest. For the unaware, my parents had met each other in Budapest, and the first time I went in 2016 I figured out I was trans, so the place has always felt close to my heart. So I listen, and I am immediately blown off my chair. An honest to god metalcore entry has won A Dal and will attend the Eurovision Song Contest in Lisbon. I have it on repeat for a week. Coincidentally, next weekend was my birthday party, and because my friends were all into metalcore we were jamming out to bangers. And then I put on Viszlát Nyár. Afterwards I ask them what they thought of Hungary's ESC entry, and they're stunned. They could not believe that they just listened to a Eurovision entry. And they loved it. Over the course of the next month, I start listening to AWS more. At this point they've released three albums, Égésföld, Kint a Vizből and their English language debut album Fata Morgana, of which we have all collectively decided to ignore the existence because no one likes it apart from the two Hungarian language songs on it. Anyway, both their albums are bangers, and I'm like cool this band is nice. And then comes pre-party season. The pre-Eurovision tour artists take to promote their songs, travelling to standard locations like London, Tel Aviv, Madrid and Amsterdam before making their way to Lisbon for the contest. And throughout the entire process of pre-parties and the pre-eurovision interview in Lisbon AWS are incredibly silly. They give joke answers every interview, with their favourite bit being completely different explanations for what AWS actually stands for (although the consensus seems to be Ants With Slippers). They're constantly joking around and it's clear they're having the time of their lives. This is when I truly fall in love with these five ridiculous guys: Örs (vocals), Bence (guitar), Dániel (guitar), Roni (drums) and Soma (bass).

I watch Eurovision that year draped in the Hungarian flag. To everyone's surprise, AWS make the final, and they get to perform in front of 300 million viewers across the globe. They're one of Hungary's hottest bands now. Two months after the contest they release their first single as promotion of their new album. The single is called "Hol Voltál?" (where were you?) and I was sold on it within the first three seconds. AWS have this thing they do where they tend to start songs with a couple dialed back notes before breaking in with the riff they use in the chorus. It works really well to get people to headbang, it's a great introduction to any song. They use the exact same trick on Fekete Részem, the album's title track when they release it along with the Album in October. The album reaches number 2 on the Hungarian charts, and all their other albums re-enter the charts as well. This was a weird period of my life. I was in the middle of my transition and I was trying to go back to uni at University College Utrecht, a place which mandated living in dorms. So I was living in dorms at the time, my mental health was absolutely abysmal, I was mega cringe, and I hate everything about that time. But I had Fekete Részem on repeat for all of it. Like sad puberty me had Linkin Park, sad second puberty me had AWS. It was a real emotional outlet for me blasting their songs whilst walking through the nearby green space. I remember getting rejected by a girl (a wise choice on her part) and blasting X/0 (it also uses the chorus intro trick) at full volume and headbanging as if my life depended on it.

Meanwhile AWS are doing well, they're playing shows across Hungary. In September they play an acoustic set at the Madách theatre in Budapest and release it as a live album. In January I'm in Budapest with my family. Whilst there I pick up a new girlfriend, and also a copy of Madách, the only AWS thing I would own for a long time. In May, AWS play their yearly concert at Budapest Park, an outdoor venue with a capacity of 10,500 people. This one they record and release as a life album as well. I start using Spotify. In July of that year the release "Még Lélegzem" (I'm still breathing), the first single for a yet to be announced album, but then the pandemic hits. They play their final gig in February 2020 in the small town of Tatabánya. But they're not about to stop. They're working on new material. In October they play a set and post it on Youtube, just because they miss playing live. Spotify wrapped comes in and AWS are my most listend artist for the second year in a row (and I've only been using Spotify for 1.5 years). On new years they post on social media: 2021 is going to be our year, we're about to reaveal the good news.

Emlékszem (I remember)

"To speak the unspeakable, to describe the undescribable." These are words which will make a shiver run down my spine for the rest of my life. It's what rolls out of Instagram's translate function on the 6th of February 2021. Siklósi Örs has passed away at the age of 29 after a battle with leukemia. He was planning to talk about his cancer in January, whilst announcing his first solo album. He never got the chance. There's one thing they repeat in their post: Örs egy csoda: Örs was a miracle. I cry a lot that day. I scream along to the entire Budapest Park live album and it feels cathartic, but it just makes me cry more. Fans light candles at a memorial in the heart of Budapest whilst any gatherings are forbidden due to the pandemic. I listen to a lot of AWS and cry a lot. The Madách version of Leklet Vennék (I would buy a soul), played on piano by Cseri Zoltán, becomes the de facto memorial song for Örs among fans. To this day it's their second most streamed song behind Viszlát Nyár. Örs was unanimously loved within the scene and by fans alike. He had a very energetic stage presence and the ability to play crowds very well. Off the stage he was known to be very kind and open to talk to anyone and everyone, just like the rest of the guys. He was also the band's lyrics writer. Truly a great guy I've heard from people who've met him. And everyone misses him dearly.

The band take some time to grief, but they don't really take much time off. In May, they announce a tribute concert to be played in September at Budapest Park, along with three singles. I really wanted to attend this one, but the pandemic made it impossible. I think I cried over that too. It wasn't even going to be streamed live. The first of those singles is "Emlékszem" (I remember), released on August 25th, when they band have already spent a month rehearsing for the tribute show. Emlékszem was written as part of Road Movie, a Hungarian media project where artists were asked to write songs about the region they grew up in. AWS are from Budakeszi, a small town on the western outskirts of Budapest. By complete coincidence, I have visited Budakeszi in 2016. One of my high school friends had a Hungarian grandfather, so when we were in Hungary together we went to visit his family, in Budakeszi. In Emlékszem, Örs sings about the loss of the innocence of his childhood. The second half features a repeating phrase: "I wish I didn't know you, so it would never have burned, your memory". It takes on a whole new meaning in the face of his death. The video features some archival footage of Örs, and a choir made up of his family. And a lot of being barefoot, because he hated shoes. This is important Örs lore.

They open the tribute concert with this song, the first half sang by all four band members. the second half sang by the crowd. Soma headbangs his soul out, it's his way of dealing with the emotion. The rest of the 31 song concert features songs from throughout their discography with a lot of guest singers. You might not know this, but the Hungarian hard rock scene is massive, there's actually a couple dozen bands. They do not lack guests, and they do not lack support. The concert even introduces me to some songs I had never heard before, most notably it features Roni singing a single from Örs' solo project, and then getting carried through an Örs feature by Nova Prospect singer Gabriella. They even perform some forgotten about songs from Fata Morgana with the original band members. The most emotional point of the set is a performance of Lelket Vennék, the Madách version which saw so much play after Örs' death, played by Zoltán on piano. There's an empty mic stand on stage. The crowd sings along loudly throuhout the song. During one of the piano solo parts there is a haunting shot of Soma on the side of the stage, a look of pain on his face, his eyes red from crying. I have not before or since seen an image so emblematic of loss. They end the concert with Visz;át Nyár, how could they not, sang by the crowd.

It's incredibly obvious they based this entire event on the Chester Bennington tribute. Lelket Vennék mirrors Numb, Viszlát Nyár mirrors In The End, and even the amount of songs on the setlist is the exact same. And I don't think there's anything wrong with this. They copied the Chester tribute because it worked. It touched people and it celebrated the work of someone who is dearly missed. And if it works, why change it? You could say it makes it a less authentic tribute, but the authenticity isn't in the formal. It's in the music, in the little things said between songs, in the emotion people feel. There's nothing inauthentic about the crowd chanting "Örs egy csoda" throughout the evening. There is nothing inauthentic about the tears shed. Linkin Park laid out a template for a tribute concert for a late singer, something no band ever wants to have to do, and something which is incredibly difficult. So if you can make the whole process a little less painful by following a formula, then why wouldn't you.

AWS miss the stage. At the start of the new year, half a year later, they announce a club tour featuring guest singers. AWS hasn't gone anywhere, and they're not going anywhere. They're your band and they will keep being your band despite everything. They play shows, they laugh, they have a good time. But they're still grieving too. There's one last step in this process, the hardest of all: "Útvesztő" (Maze). A song in which Örs sings about about his own passing. The song was written in the summer of 2020, before he knew he had cancer. It's quite unbelievable, how incredibly hard these lines would hit, and how he had no idea when he put them on paper. "No past, no future, just me and my maze. No answer, no strength, but I'm looking for my maker." It's no wonder that this one took a toll to finish. In Dutch we'd equate it to giving birth. I cried a lot listening to this one too. It's one of those where you try to headbang the feelings out during the breakdown. It's the culmination of the loss we all felt, it's summarised in this one song where Örs sings about his own journey in the beyond.

Three days later, AWS play for a sold out Budapest Park. Their last concert with guest singers, although it's only a couple now. Nagy Zoltán does 4 songs, Molnár Bálint does 5 and Stefán Tamás does 7, including the live debut of Útvesztő. In December they finally decide to stream the remembrance concert, for a small fee which will go in a small part to Örs' foundation for young musicians but mostly to shooting an ew music video. I buy the stream and record the entire concert so I can view it whenever I want, although my internet cuts out twice (thanks for nothing NowTV Broadband). It would eventually be uploaded to youtube nine months later, but we didn't know that yet. In the stream announcement they also say that this is the end of the mourning period, and that they've spent a lot of time thinking about how to continue AWS. And they'll show us in 2023, that one will be our year. Less than 2 years after Örs' passing, the new AWS will be born.

Együtt Lépjünk a Valoságba (Together we step into reality)

The morning of 16 January 2023. I'm visiting my parents during the winter break, so I'm sitting in front of the PC in my childhood bedroom, attempting to read the live premiere waiting room chat with my best Hungarian skills. There's a lot of speculation on who the new singer will be. Prime suspects: The three common guest vocalists: Zoli, Bálint and Tomi. There are also calls for Kiki of Down for Whatever, a frequent guest in previous gigs. The premiere starts. The four band members are standing on stage with their instruments. A couple dialed back guitar notes play. And after 21 seconds of buildup they slam it down with a banger riff. I am immediately sold. Whilst I was shaking of nerves in anticipation of the new vocalist, all my fears have faded away already with this riff. AWS are back, and they haven't changed at all. There;s a couple bars of rest. A blurred silhouette walks towards the microphone. There's a zoom that shows only his hand on the mid can the lower half of his face, but his voice gives him away instantly: Stefan Tamás "Tomi" is the new singer. He has a very different voice from Örs, notably higher. But he isn't trying to replace his long term friend. He's just Tomi, and he's in a band with his friends and they're having a good time. Within a couple lines I am 95% sold. Now I just need to hear him scream. Okay the breakdown slaps we're good. The audience agrees with me. Tomi is welcomed with open arms by the fans. The single in question, "Odaát" is about moving on together. "Láss Csodát!" "All our dreams are already intertwined. We have been to the depths of every pit. I've seen all the faces here already, and now we stand together. So behold a mirace! Let's step into reality together, and goodbye over there."

AWS announce a club tour over spring, and their gigs sell out. They release another single, "2359", and it's so good it becomes a fan favourite show closer. They announce a Budapest Park gig and another single. At the end of May they announce a gig in London, their first ever gig outside greater Hungary in a double headliner with metal band Lazarvs. I get tickets immediately, and on the 28th of October I get to the Underworld in Camden to finally watch AWS live after all these years. They hired Hungarian speaking stuff for this one, I do not hear a single word of English the entire time I'm in there. I'm in the lounge area waiting for the gig to start and Tomi and Bence are just walking around and talking to people. I say hi to Tomi on the way to the stage and he says hi back. And then the most unexpected thing happens. In this sea of Hungarians, two people in front of me are speaking Dutch. A girl a couple years younger than me and her dad. She's seen AWS many times before, talked to the band members, and she's very excited to meet another Dutch AWS fan, as am I. And this is the reason why I call myself the second biggest AWS fan in NL, although maybe I have overtaken her since, who knows. Anmyway, Lazarvs play and they suck and no one is really enjoying it. It's clear everyone is there for AWS, all 200 or so people who've made their way to the gig. It's really not a lot but it's a cozy atmosphere. The crowd is shit, the traditional wall of death during Hajnali Járat was literally just me and one dude. But I spend most of the time right at the front enjoying the music and screaming along and headbanging way past what my neck can handle. I can't move it for two days afterwards. After the gig, Bence gives the other Dutch girl his guitar pick because they're friends. When the band are off stage, she looks at me, rips the setlist off the stage, and hands it to me. It hangs framed above my bed now. Even getting consistently misgendered by her dad is not enough to sour my mood.

At the start of 2024 AWS announce three more singles and announce their new album "Innen Szép Nyerni" (It's nice to win from here). The singles are all bangers. The album releases in spring whilst I'm visiting NL again. I play it so much that AWS become my most played spotify artist for the 6th year in a row, and they have yet to be beaten. It's an album focused on moving forward, although the middle portion of the album is clearly influenced by Örs' passing. "Csend/Élet" is about remembrance, "Amíg Ott Lehet Veled" is about telling the people close to you you love them whilst you still can, and "Otthon" (Home) is about when you stop feeling sad when you think about someone you've lost. The feelings are there, but they don't dominate the album. It's just a part of life. AWS have moved on, they're thriving again, and I'm excited to see where the future brings us.

From Xero

Linkin Park has been missing in action for this entire story. They split up, but apart from the occasional rumour there was nothing. Three weeks after the release of Innen Szép Nyerni, Billboard reports that Linkin Park are coming back with a female vocalist. People are reluctant to believe it. And then they drop "The Emptiness Machine" in September. The performance starts with Linkin Park, including new drummer Collin Britain, and just Mike Shinoda on vocals. And then for the second verse a woman walks in: Emily Armstrong. Linkin Park, after 7 years, have a new vocalist. And because she's a woman no one can really compare her to Chester, which works out perfectly. Not like fans have anything to complain, the new single slaps, and it serves as a perfect introduction with Mike going first and Emily joining in halfway. It sounds a bit like Minutes to Midnight era Linkin park. To top it all off, the comeback is a massive commercial success. They get over a hundred million views, top charts across the globe, and their comeback tour sells out immediately. They release their album, "From Zero", in November, and it also tops charts. It doesn't quite reach the level of the first couple singles, at least that's what I think, but that's also because the first couple singles were amazing. Whereas not everyone can get on board with the radical change in vocals, I really dig it, and the band appear to be having fun again.

Whereas it's clear that AWS were massively inspired by Linkin Park in how they handled Örs' passing, there's virtually no chance Linkin Park were aware of the AWS comeback. But it has parallels with the Linkin Park comeback. Introducing the new vocalist by dropping an amazing new single where it takes long enough for their vocals to kick in that you've already decided the song is good. Dropping a new album and have it be immediately up there with your best and most successful ones. Not dwelling on the past but focusing on the future. It'd be nice to win from here, wouldn't it? Linkin Park and AWS are parallel stories separated by time, where one is both before and after the other. It's really interesting.

Chester meant a lot to many people. Tens of millions across the globe grew up listening to his voice, identifying with his lyrics. He had an incredible voice, something irreplacable. Örs meant a lot to many people too. Thousands across Hungary and two Dutch girls struggled through life listening to his voice, identifying with his lyrics. He had an incredible stage presence, something irreplacable. And neither of them were replaced, because both bands knew they had something special. So neither tried to replace their lost brother, but they moved on. AWS managed to do so remarkably fast by sticking together, going through the whole process as a group, continuously working on projects, continuing to play gigs. They never lost sight of each other, of their friendship, and eventually they realised that one of their guest vocalists stopped being a guest, he just fit right in. It took Linkin Park a lot longer. They split up, they needed to be alone for a bit to tackle the grief. Cancer and Suicide aren'tt the same, and the latter can take longer to come to terms with. They were older, more experienced, maybe didn't quite have the drive you have at 30 anymore. It took them a long time, a very long time, but they came back. And that's what matters. When you lose your frontman it feels like life is over for your band. But the world always keeps turning, and time only moves forward, so if you don't want to give up your dreams, all you can do is move on. With time it stops hurting sometimes. And when you're there, and you look back, you only see that it was beautiful, and it still is beautiful.

Örs egy csoda <3

Epilogue: Ersch

This post was supposed to end here, but yesterday was Örs' birthday, and he gave us a present, isn't that nice of him? Four and a half years after his passing, his band members and friends have finished the solo album he was working on, titled "Ruppótlan" (uncouth). It's a lot softer than the songs he made with AWS, and the lyrics are very personal. In the final track, he sings about his own death again, like in Útvesztő. But I want to highlight the second to last track: "Mit Akarok" (what do I want). In the first half he sings about the expectations his grandparents had of him. The second half is fully instrumental. It's unfinished. Örs never had the chance to finish it. It's easy to think about what could've been, but maybe we should think about what was instead. Appreciate this last gift he gave us. Appreciate our miracle. Because his music will always stay with us. And now I'm crying. Just like I was bawling my eyes out on the minecraft server yesterday whilst listening to Ruppótlan for the first time.

And maybe one day he'll give us one more gift. If you paid really close attention you'll remember I said AWS had three posthumous singles with Örs they were still going to release, but I only mentioned two. I forgot about the third one. It is still out in limbo somewhere. After Útvesztő, which took a lot out of them, the band said they'd work on the third song when they felt ready for it. Maybe we'll hear it one day, maybe we won't. Saving some birthday presents for the future maybe? Boldog szülinapot Örs!

Gallery

AWS perform the Dragon Ball Z pose during the Eurovision Song Contest opening ceremony

Siklósi Örs, the miracle

Soma mourns during Lelket Vennék at the memorial concert

The London setlist which hangs above my bed

From left to right: Dániel, Lauren, Tomi, Bence, Roni, Soma