What have we learnt?

Over halfway through my trip and sitting on my amazing Osaka balcony is a good time to reflect. Going on a trip on your own to the other side of the world is a pretty unique experience and it gives you a lot of time to think and see yourself outside of the context of your regular life. I was expecting to learn some things about myself and maybe dins some direction in my life because god knows I need it. I know it's unrealistic to think you're gonna come back a changed person, but I was hoping for at least something. So here's what I've learnt:

1. I hate being alone

It turns out I'm actually less of an introvert than I thought. I'm still unlikely to start a conversation with someone random, but everytime I did get to talk to someone this trip even if it was only for a minute I felt so much better and it'd lift my spirits and I'd hope to keep talking.

I've also realised I don't function on my own in cities. There's too many things and too many impressions and too many people and I just shut down and walk around without going into any shops or attractions. I need someone there to give me the confidence to do things, someone who can help me make decisions and someone who I can talk to so I don't get stuck in my own head.

On the other hand, I function perfectly fine on my own in nature. Hiking is so much fun and I can really just zone out and walk and enjoy the peace of nature. It makes me feel so much more in touch with the world. This is also when I'm most likely to talk to people, say hello to other hikers, chime in when I hear them trying to navigate. And I can do it all with a smile on my face. I think I need to get the fuck out of the Netherlands because it offers absolutely 0 nature and its terrible. Sterge was right.

2. Japan is pretty cool I guess

That's it. Japan is pretty cool. It's not an overwhelmingly awesome heaven on earth where I must move to imminently. It's not the best destination of all time I must keep coming back to. But it's pretty cool and I wouldn't mind coming back. I love the weird ass residential architecture and street decor it has immaculate vibes. I love the trains they go everywhere all time time for like no money I wish every country had that. Konbinis are cool I guess but walking into an actual supermarket felt like such a relief. Temples get boring very quickly once you've seen one you've kinda seen them all. The food is pretty good I guess. The nature is sick but I'm so fucking starved of anything good that I say that of basically any country. The massive gap between gaijin me and Japanese people where there's no interaction at all kind of weirds me out. Please put a horse racecourse in my backyard because the closest real one is in fucking Paris.

In conclusion Japan is pretty cool, maybe I'll go again next Asia trip or maybe I'll go to Hong Kong and Taiwan instead who knows.

3. Absolutely nothing

The classic wtyppod answer to the question of what did we learn. And it's true because this trip is not going to change anything. There have been no massive revelations, no sudden ideas of what I want to do with my life, no bursts of motivation, and I'm pretty sure I'll just be depressed when I get back because I miss having freedom and nature and most of all a comfortable fucking temperature. But I already knew all that from the start.

I've learnt nothing and I'm gonna go back to my miserable job and keep fantasising about how things could be better without making any actual steps towards it because I still don't know what those steps would be. If anyone finds a solution of my friends and family living in different places and me feeling infinitely lonely at all times because of it and also my economic prospects being terrible please let me know because if I keep thinking about what going back home is actually like I might jump in front of the 中央 line instead.

4. I probably have an eating disorder

Needing to eat sucks. I've been dreading it non-stop since I arrived in Japan. I have practically no appetite so none of the food seems particularly exciting and the amount of options is overwhelming to a point where I just shut down. I fead dinner time every night and I've skipped two of my past three dinners because when I get home it's nearly impossible to get myself to go outside again for food. I've done entire days of hiking on just a melon pan and a sushi roll.

Please next time someone come with me so I don't have to think about where and what to eat and I can just enjoy my time.